it doesnt feel good

The wisdom teeth came out this morning. All four of those little rascals, the two poking out just a little bit up top, glimpses of white amid pink, and the two below, growing sideways, content to push forever beneath the surface, nudging at the teeth ahead.

Times like these kind of wish I was the cutting type, someone derives pleasure from pain, maniacally masochistic to the point where I would shun the ice and painkillers, welcome the retching and inability to eat anything not put through the blender. Then it'd be great fun, having to prop my head up with two pillows -- which I've abhorred always -- every time I lie down. It'd be a regular party clenching tea bags in my jaw, feeling my head pound in rhythm along with my head. The trips to the toilet, sitting, hoping that I wouldn't be forced to place my elbows where my ass had just been, unleashing fury from both ends of the body, top and bottom a broken pipe.

Unfortunately the only times I cut myself is when shaving, contemplate pills only when the nose is runny, and I have no use for ropes or nooses, preferring to hang out rather than hang from rafters. I really like this life, you see, obstacles, hardships and all.

Since work started I've actually enjoyed waking up early, the motivation stemming from having a purpose at last, reason to get up and go. So though I can't find much reason to smile from rapidly swelling cheeks and gum, I can find reason to go through it. Life gives you lemons and though sour and useless they may seem at first, with a little craft and creativity, it has the potential to turn sweet, as long as you give it the chance.

I can feel vividly the pain and pangs pulsing through my jaws but I can also remember the discomfort I felt earlier, months ago, when they were just teething, those top teeth. The bottom ones hadn't affected me much but my uncle's just had his removed, at age 50 something, tired of all the cavities they've been causing. Sometimes you have to submit yourself to hurt today for the sake of a safe and healthy tomorrow. The same way it is with working out, studying, practicing in anything, life, love...

For some reason that strikes me as beautiful and -- at least for a little bit -- dulls the hurt, makes it a little more bearable, this and everything else that pains.